A tale of two blondes

By David Wonpu

One is a beautiful, classy, Academy Award-winning actress. The other is a sexy pop singer turned poster child for the dangers of marrying white trash. Both have recently filed for divorce, with the public anxiously awaiting potentially messy court proceedings.

No, it's not a modern take on "Thelma & Louise." It's the real-life divorces of Reese Witherspoon and Britney Spears (though one's imagination can't help but run away when entertaining the possibility of a buddy movie starring the two).

The real story, however, isn't about the women but the men. Reese will still be one of the most bankable actresses in Hollywood for at least the rest of the decade. And Britney has already shed much of the weight she put on while carrying two adorable future drug addicts, looking well on her way to reclaiming the pop spotlight.

But what about Ryan Phillippe, often referred to in the past as "Mr. Witherspoon," and Kevin Federline, best known as "K-Fed?"

Phillippe's career was buoyed by his performance in last year's "Crash," but playing second fiddle to Matt Dillon will probably yield a maximum of five or six decent scripts. The truth is, the former Mr. Witherspoon has yet to show he's capable of more than his work in "Cruel Intentions."

Expect one box office bomb headlined by Phillippe, most likely a suspense thriller of some sort, followed by a cushy job on a television drama. An over-in-less-than-a-year rebound marriage is probably in the cards too, possibly with a washed-up blonde like Tara Reid or Heather Graham.

The career trajectory of Federline, however, is rife with ambiguity. Will he become a porn star? Appear on ABC's "Dancing With The Stars"? Perhaps the most pressing question is which one is really the most disturbing?

Federline is poised to mooch off the American public the way he freeloaded off Britney and her millions. We hate to admit it, but K-Fed is the most inexplicably intriguing figure since Anna Nicole Smith.

Expect the former Mr. Spears to appear on a rash of reality shows, from "Dancing" to "The Surreal Life" to -- if the pop culture gods are kind -- a white trash edition of "Survivor" featuring K-Fed, Kid Rock, Gretchen Wilson and Jessica Simpson's creepy dad, all stranded in Oakland. The realm of reality television is where Federline can carve out a niche and make enough money to support his costly lifestyle of double-wide trailers and large-sized George Foreman grills.

And, if Federline decides television isn't for him, the public would still snatch up copies of a book of memoirs about his marriage to Britney like hotcakes. After all, "The New York Times" Best-Seller list has yet to include a pop-up book.