Coping with season of giving, receiving

By Leslie Osborne and John Colyar

With the holiday season approaching, Santa Clara students are already feeling anxiety about what to buy for family, friends and romantic partners. Wherever we go and whatever we do -- strolling through the mall, watching TV or driving through town -- we are constantly reminded of the holidays and gift giving.

This constant barrage of advertising can create a lot of pressure and anxiety to find the perfect gift. But with the right attitude and a few helpful tips, anyone can overcome this challenge

The anxiety of gift giving and receiving is even more difficult for college students, who generally have less money and more casual friends than the average adult.

Another gift giving challenge according to the National Retail Federation, is college students ages 19-25 fall into the "most difficult category to buy for." College students finished ahead of all ages and categories. From grandparents to toddlers, to the 50-and-over crowd, college students were ranked the hardest to shop for.

Successful gift giving requires traits that many inexperienced college students may lack. Giving takes creativity, knowledge of a person's personality and insight into their life.

In order to be a successful gift giver and receiver, we need to use empathy to put ourselves in the other person's shoes. The bottom line is that giving and receiving gifts are difficult. Each holiday season it only seems to get worse.

One Santa Clara student had a clever idea for their parents one holiday season and struck out.

"I spent a lot of time writing down a 100 reasons why I love and care for my parents," sophomore Jordan Angeli said. "I put it in a cool bottle, gave it to them and I did not get an exciting or loving reaction from them. Maybe they liked it, but did not show it the way I expected."

What about the time-honored tradition of making a gift for someone? Yeah, that doesn't go over well with everyone in the 21st century, even though making gifts involves a much greater sacrifice.

It has been estimated that nearly 95 percent of the gifts given in the U.S. are purchased products. And with all those purchased products this holiday season, the National Retail Federation estimates that one in three gifts will be returned in the weeks following Christmas.

With this in mind, humans are complicated. You know that if you get a chewy treat for your dog or a nice ceramic castle for your fish's aquarium that they will be happy. This just is not so for your sister, dad or girlfriend.

You might wish that you could have a Christmas list for every person this holiday season. It might make gift shopping a whole lot easier if you knew exactly what they would like and not like.

That may not sound thoughtful, but Christmas lists are becoming a growing trend. Similar to wedding registries, online Web sites are now offering Christmas registries.

Most people talk about the anxiety surrounding the gift giving side. One must not forget the receiving side. Communication professor Sunwolf's study of Santa Clara students shows that they are not only feeling the stress of choosing gifts, but also the stress of being on the receiving side.

Experts refer to this as "The Dark Side" of gift giving. After interviewing students, we found that the top two reasons that students drifted to stressing about the "Dark Side" is anticipating the gifts you'll be given and the need to reciprocate. Students also revealed the stress they feel when an unwanted object is forced into their possession.

According to a Sunwolf's study, both male and female college students feel a general uncertainty about gift receiving around the holidays.

"I have to make sure that I give a gift from everyone I receive. I don't know which one of my friends will be giving me gifts," senior Mike Nicoletti said.

Some students felt that the hardest parts about receiving gifts are showing gratitude, the burden of reciprocating, experiencing disappointment and pretending.

Another issue that college students run into is the financial strain of tight budgets, big families and a lot of friends. At the heart of these factors is gift giving in college romances. In a relationship there is an ongoing challenge to give and receive. For those with this problem, you may find yourself asking: Will this be the "perfect gift" or just a "good enough" gift? Will offering this gift make me look generous and thoughtful -- or will I look stingy or foolish?

We hope after reading this you feel a sigh of relief, because the holidays can become a stressful and anxious time if you make it that way.

Take this information home and impress your family and friends with not only a great gift this holiday season but also a great reaction to their gift as well. Be open-minded and remember there are different kinds of gift givers and receivers. Try to be empathetic to the giver as a receiver in your reaction to an unwanted or lame gift. Sometimes the best gift to someone is a genuine reaction.