Television turnoffs: hit the remote

By Christopher DaCosta

On Monday, I heartily cursed the sun as I was walking to class. The air was definitely not crisp enough for me to be wearing my favorite winter coat. I lamented that I would look like an even sweatier fool while avoiding being called upon in my impossible finance class. Luckily, not a pore was clogged during the class' discussion about the latest financial fiasco â€" thanks to Kenna's arctic temperatures, my coat proved effective.

What wasn't effective was when I had an impromptu mud bath for my feet. The area in front of Casa and Sobrato, once known as grass, is most definitely a marshy swampland, as I had the pleasure of discovering while wearing flip flops. Yes, don't we all simply love the onset of winter? Now that we're getting used to the decrease in the campus squirrel population (goodbye Jigglet, I'll miss you!), we know that it is finally time to don scarves, beanies, and my personal favorite: turtlenecks. Other apparel we'll be seeing include those ragged sweats that are delightfully unflattering but oh-so comfortable â€" it's time to stop frolicking outside, retreat to your couches and enjoy what the quality of late fall programming.

Apparently, television executives know nothing about quality, so if you're into the trashy shows spawned from the late-night success of Elimidate, and hokey re-enactments of harrowing experiences, then you're in luck! Here are some of my picks for worthless television shows:

1. Average Joe: While this NBC show points out the image-based flaw of superficiality in other dating roundups, the producers of Average Joe practically make a mockery of ditzy Melana Scantlin, a Kansas City Chiefs cheerleader, as well as all the uber geeky bachelors vying for her attention but hey, at least these dreamboats have personality.

2. The Elizabeth Smart and Jessica Lynch TV movies: America's new obsession with the so-called "docu-drama" genre has gotten out of hand. Smart, the girl who was abducted from her home and then returned, had her story chronicled in a CBS drama. Lynch, the American prisoner of war, also had a biopic made about her ordeal on NBC. Now my question is why would anyone want to watch a re-hash of someone's nightmare, especially one that may have been doctored for release on television? Furthermore, the fact that both shows were aired at the same time on opposite channels sounds like exploitation. What did the television producers say to their subjects? "You've been 'Punk'd!' Media tool! Mwahaha!"

3. Survivorâ€"Pearl Islands: Ok, can I just say that I can't wait until CBS runs out of exotic and obscure locations to film this reality game show. We've seen it all before â€" in the outback, in the jungle-Besides, $1 million is nothing these days â€" if I'm going to wear nothing but coconut shells, wipe my butt with leaves and eat grilled rats for months at a time, I expect more than a down-payment on my future digs. I'd want to live the Fabulous Life a la VH1's portrait of Brad and Jen's riches.

Contact Christopher Da Costa at (408) 554-4546 or at cdacosta@scu.edu.